What No One Tells You About Your 20s
Being in your 20s can be exciting, but it’s also really challenging. There’s constant change, movement, and this never-ending feeling of trying to reach “the next level,” whatever that even means. So many things are happening simultaneously, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or lost while trying to keep up.
I know exactly what that’s like, and if I could tell my younger self anything about my 20s, it’s that many of the struggles people experience during this decade are incredibly common. There are universal truths that almost no one talks about, even though most people can relate.
Here are some of the things that no one tells you about your 20s:
1. Friendships shift more than you expect
Most of us hope that our friends will stay our friends forever, but that’s not always the case. Some friendships deepen, while others may fade. And the truth? It often isn’t anyone’s fault. Some people are here for a season, and that doesn’t diminish the importance of the relationship.
As you change and grow, so do the people around you. Priorities shift, and life paths change. Sometimes you grow apart and other times, you may even come back together. Friendship changes can feel heartbreaking or anxiety-provoking, but they’re often a natural part of becoming who you are meant to be.
2. Confidence isn’t constant
Many people come to therapy because they want to feel more confident. That’s a meaningful goal, and it requires understanding that confidence isn’t constant. It ebbs and flows and comes in waves. At its core, confidence comes from understanding yourself, treating yourself with kindness (even when you don’t want to), and building your self-trust.
In your 20s you may not always feel like the most confident version of you, but continuing to show up for yourself because you are innately worthy is what actually matters.
3. Your career doesn’t have to make sense yet
Some of us know exactly what we want to do for the rest of our lives, but many of us don’t, and that’s okay. If you’re reading this, and you’re not quite sure what your career path looks like yet, you are not behind.
Most people don’t magically fall into their dream job. There are starts, stops, pivots, and periods of confusion that feel endless. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to begin again. Every step is more information, and you will find a career path that makes sense for you at every stage of your life.
4. You will outgrow old versions of yourself
Eighteen year old you might look really different from twenty-five year old you, and that’s normal. As you grow and gain life experience, everything evolves. Your values and priorities may shift, and the things you once wanted might not fit anymore. That’s not failure, it’s the magic of life.
Human beings are meant to evolve, and while it’s often uncomfortable and overwhelming at times, it’s a step towards a more aligned future.
5. No one actually has it all figured out
Seriously, everyone is in trial and error mode in some way or another. Imagine how boring life would be if you had everything figured out already. There would be little room for curiosity, growth or inspiration. Some people may be further down a path that you see yourself going down, but that’s just fuel for you, proof that that life can be yours one day too.
Your 20s are less about “getting it right” and more about learning who you are when things aren’t perfect. You’re building a life from scratch, and of course it feels messy sometimes. You’re doing it just right!
If your 20s are feeling heavier than you expected or you’re experiencing self-doubt or anxiety, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to make sense of transitions, build self-trust, and feel more grounded as you move forward. I offer virtual therapy for teens and young adults across New York, supporting clients through life transitions, identity shifts, and the messy middle of early adulthood.
