You Don’t Need to Have Life Figured Out in Your 20s (Even If It Feels Like Everyone Else Does)

There’s a lot going on in your 20s (anxiety, anyone?!)! It’s a decade of a ton of change, experiences, and mistakes that truly doesn’t have a blueprint. If you’re reading this right now, and you’re in your 20s, let this serve as reminder that you’re not supposed to have life figured out and I can promise that no one else does either! Your 20s are for exploration, but “finding yourself” is a myth. You just become more deeply yourself as life continues on.

With that being said, your 20s can feel chaotic and unclear. It is common to feel self-doubt and to spiral about the future.

If you’ve been feeling behind, lost, anxious, or unsure of your next steps, I promise you’re not the only one. You don’t need to have life figured out at this age or honestly any age. No one has it truly figured out, they just make peace with the messy.

Remember, you’re a human learning in real time.

What No One Tells You About Your 20s:

Here’s the truth: your 20s are not the highlight reel people make them out to be. They’re complicated, emotional, and full of transitions that no one really prepares you for (and yes, there are awesome and fun moments too). But because we don’t talk about the downs as much, so many young adults feel like they are “behind in life,” finding themselves comparing their lives to literally everyone else’s highlight reel.

You might recognize thoughts like, “I’m supposed to be making more money by now” “Everyone is engaged, but me.” or “How is everyone else so happy, and I’m so confused?”

I’ve yet to meet a single 20-something that hasn’t experienced thoughts like that. I promise you’re not alone.

What no one tells you is that your 20s come with constant shifts. There are changes in friendships, identity, confidence, work, and even in how you see yourself. People you grew up with move away or maybe you even out grow them. Your priorities change, and for maybe the first time, you’re noticing that you’re not at the exact stage of life as all of your favorite people.

Career paths zigzag, and you may even find yourself in a job you never thought you’d have. Even the most confident people have moments where they doubt everything. I often take these moments as an opportunity to remind myself of what I truly value in life.

It’s your first time being in your 20s. It’s okay if it feels messy and uncertain, you’ve never lived this life before. None of that means you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means you’re becoming someone you haven’t met yet.

There Are No Wrong Decisions, Just Next Steps:

I know this can be hard to believe, but even the biggest decisions in your life are still just… decisions. It’s just a step in a direction, and you can always make a new decision. It’s common in your 20s to feel terrified of choosing “wrong,” as if one misstep will ruin everything in some monumental way. And honestly? In your defense, older adults often push that narrative… so it makes sense that the anxiety shows up now too.

Every decision you make is simply a step… It’s a chance to explore. How are you supposed to know what feels like a good fit if you’ve never tried it? It’s a chance for exploration. How are you supposed to know what feels like a fit if you didn’t try it?

Some steps might feel just right. Others may feel scary and big, but they’ll stretch you and help you grow. Some steps might show you what you actually want, and that may require taking a step “back.” As cliche as it sounds, you are only on your own timeline.

Your 20s aren’t about getting everything right. They’re about collecting information, trying things, outgrowing things, and learning more about yourself with each experience. You can leave a job that isn’t for you. You can end a relationship that no longer fits. You can start over. You’re allowed to evolve.

If you’re stuck in indecision, here’s the honest truth, you don’t need to make the perfect choice. Tap into your curious and brave side, and take a step because you can always take another one. In fact, I would say that some of the bravest people I know are 20-something just like you!

TLDR: You’re Not Supposed to Have It All Figured Out

You’re allowed to change your mind, and you’re not on anyone else’s timeline. Also, no one has it figured out, even if they’re faking it.

And most importantly, you’re not behind - you’re doing great!

If navigating your 20s is feeling heavy and the anxiety and self-doubt are making it harder than it needs to be, therapy can be a great tool to help you navigate it with support. I offer virtual therapy for teens and young adults across New York, supporting clients through life transitions, identity shifts, and the messy middle of early adulthood. I’d love to walk alongside you, let’s chat!