Curiosity First: A Parenting Shift That Works
If you have ever worked with me in any capacity, you’ve probably heard me talk about curiosity. Curiosity is a core tenet of my philosophy as a therapist and to how I approach life in general. Riveting, right?! All jokes aside, parenting can be exhausting and frustrating (probably more than we like to admit). One big reason is because we tend to fall into the trap of fixing and helping out struggling children instead of getting curious about what is actually going on.
Here are three reasons why curiosity trumps fixing in parenting:
1. Curiosity keeps you open (instead of stuck in tunnel vision)
When we rush to fix our child’s problem, we miss an opportunity to truly understand their perspective. It’s natural to want to shield your child from the “bad stuff,” but constant fixing can actually fuel more anxiety as they grow. By listening, asking if they want help, and approaching their experiences with compassion and interest, we give children the space to feel understood and in turn, they build steadier confidence in themselves. Curiosity helps you to stay flexible, allowing you to truly hear and understand what is going on for your child rather than drawing your own conclusions.
2. Curiosity empowers your child to find their own answers
How cool that you, as a parent, get to help your child develop their own inner knowing?! Approaching parenting with curiosity rather than a fixing mindset helps to promote your child’s self-growth, problem-solving skills, and self-trust. You’re showing your child that you believe they can make decisions for themselves (within reason). While fixing tells your child that they need you to get better, curiosity tells your child that you believe in them, while giving them support that they may need along the way. When kids feel that support from you, they learn to trust themselves, and that’s essential.
3. Curiosity strengthens connection and trust
At the end of the day, most kids do not want you to solve their problems for them. In the heat of the struggle, their anxiety might say otherwise, but in reality, what they are really looking for is your support. Curiosity invites conversation and dialogue, while fixing shuts it down. Approaching parenting with curiosity gives you and your child the opportunity to foster deep, meaningful connection where your child knows that they are safe, loved, and respected.
Closing Note:
Parenting isn’t about having the perfect response or the quickest fix, it’s about showing up with curiosity, compassion, and connection. The next time your child is struggling, I invite you to lean into curiosity. I know it will help!
Also in the spirit of transparency, the idea for this blog post came after I watched this reel on Instagram about parenting shy kids. I co-sign a lot of what it said here, and I truly believe that the reason it was so successful was because of the curiosity the parent had.
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