The Psychology of Friendship: Why Adult Friendships Shift So Much in Your 20s
If you’re reading this, I’m going to ahead and assume that your friendships are feeling different lately. I really get that. As you navigate the end of college or the beginning of entering the workforce, you. might find yourself yearning for the kind of friendships you once had. The easy ones, the build-in ones - the people that just knew you because you were growing up together.
Life starts to look different, and you’re probably left wondering if you did something wrong or if you’re simply falling behind.
Friendship changes and shifts in your 20s can feel confusing because they’re often quiet. There’s not always a big blow-up or clear ending. Instead, communication dies down, schedules stop lining up, and group chats go silent. You’re left holding a strange mix of missing people and also feeling unmet.
What makes this stage especially hard is that no one really warns you about it. We’re taught to expect career changes, relationship changes, and identity shifts, but friendship loss often sneaks up on us. People understand romantic break-ups, but friendship break-ups aren’t talked about as much.
Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t even losing people, it’s not knowing how to name what’s happening. It can often feel like you’re the only one on the planet going through what you’re going through (Spoiler alert: You’re not!). You might still care deeply about someone and also feel the distance growing. That in-between space can feel lonely and confusing, especially if you’re someone who values connection.
It’s also easy to internalize these changes. You may start questioning yourself, wondering if you’re too much, not enough, or somehow doing adulthood “wrong.” But many friendship shifts in your 20s have far more to do with life transitions and changing capacities than with personal failure.
This season often asks you to grieve relationships that mattered while also making space for new connections that align with who you’re becoming. That process isn’t linear, and it isn’t comfortable, but it is incredibly human.
If your 20s are feeling heavier than you expected or you’re experiencing self-doubt or anxiety, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to make sense of transitions, build self-trust, and feel more grounded as you move forward. I offer virtual therapy for teens and young adults across New York, supporting clients through life transitions, identity shifts, and the messy middle of early adulthood.
