When Anxiety Looks Like Procrastination, Forgetfulness, or “Not Trying”
There are so many misnomers with childhood anxiety, and it can be really hard to pinpoint actual symptoms. Maybe this sounds familiar — Your child has been sitting in front of the same blank document for an hour. They forgot to turn in an assignment they already completed, but they insist that don’t care about it anyway.
From the outside, it may look like procrastination, carelessness or a lack of effort, but sometimes, what looks like “not trying” is actually anxiety in defense mode.
When “Not Trying” Isn’t the Whole Story
Anxiety doesn’t always look like obvious worry. It can also look like avoiding, forgetting, rushing, shutting down or waiting until the very last minute to begin. I can actually find that perfectionists tend to procrastinate the most because if you cannot do it perfectly, why would you want to do it at all?
A child may also procrastinate because they don’t know where to start. They may avoid an assignment because they’re afraid they won’t do it well because admitting that they care or that they need help might feel way too vulnerable.
This is especially common in anxious, bright and perfectionistic kids. They may understand the assignment and have the ability to complete it, but still feel completely stuck when it’s time to begin.
Sometimes, not starting feels safer than trying and getting it wrong and anxiety is ultimately working in overdrive to try to keep us safe.
How Anxiety Impacts Executive Functioning
Executive functioning includes the mental skills we use to begin tasks, stay organized, remember instructions, manage time, and move from one step to the next. I believe that executive functioning is a skill that some of us have more innately than others.
When a child is anxious, so much of their mental energy may be going toward worrying. What if I do it wrong? What if it takes forever? What if my teacher is disappointed? What if everyone else understands this except me?
With all of that happening internally, it can be harder to focus, remember what they need or figure out the first step. This doesn’t mean anxiety is always the explanation. ADHD, learning differences, sleep, stress and normal development can also impact executive functioning. Sometimes several things are happening at once, but it is important to know that anxiety can often be the culprit.
The important part is staying curious before deciding that your child simply isn’t trying because of laziness.
What Parents May Notice
Anxiety and executive-functioning struggles can look like:
Putting off homework until late at night
Forgetting assignments, materials or instructions
Becoming overwhelmed by projects with multiple steps
Constantly asking where or how to begin
Rushing through work just to get it over with
Avoiding subjects they find difficult
Getting defensive when someone offers help
Saying “I don’t care” when they appear disappointed or embarrassed
Of course, every child procrastinates or forgets things sometimes. The pattern matters more than one unfinished assignment or a difficult evening.
How Parents Can Help
When you’re frustrated, it can be tempting to say, “You know how to do this,” or “If you had started earlier, you wouldn’t be so stressed.” You may be completely right and sometimes those truths are warranted; however, knowing that usually doesn’t help an overwhelmed child get started.
Try getting curious about where they are stuck. Do they understand the assignment? Are they worried about doing it wrong? Does the task feel too big? Are they unsure which part to do first? Then, help make the starting point smaller.
Instead of “finish your project,” the first step might be opening the directions. Instead of “clean your room,” it might be putting the clothes on the floor into one basket.
The goal isn’t to take over or make every task easy. It’s to give your child enough support to move through the part that feels impossible and begin collecting evidence that they can handle it. If your child often feels overwhelmed by anxiety, my free anxiety guide for kids includes simple tools to help them understand their worries and feel more in control.
A Note for Parents
It can be incredibly frustrating to watch a capable child avoid something you know they can do. Your child may need accountability, structure and clear expectations. Compassion doesn’t mean removing every responsibility or completing the work for them. It does mean recognizing that struggling to begin isn’t always the same as refusing to try.
When we look beneath the behavior, we can respond to what the child actually needs—whether that is help breaking down the task, support managing anxiety or a closer look at why getting things done feels so hard.
I work with anxious, sensitive and deeply feeling kids and teens to help them understand their emotions, manage worries and feel more secure in their everyday lives.
If you could use more support with this, therapy can be a helpful next step, even if you’re unsure whether your child’s anxiety is “serious enough.”
After you contact me, I’ll email you back with next steps and we’ll figure out together if it feels like the right fit.
You can also learn more about therapy here:
Therapy for kids
Therapy for teens
