5 Emotional Regulation Skills Every Child Can Learn
If you read my recent post on overthinking, then you know how frustrating the constant “what ifs” and worry spirals can be. For kids, overwhelm often shows up as big feelings aka the meltdowns, the shutdowns or the overloads that they just do not have the words for (yet). This is where emotional regulation skills come in.
Emotional regulation is not about pushing feelings down or always trying to stay calm, it’s about helping children have the tools to notice how they are feeling, respond in a way that feels beneficial rather than detrimental, and hopefully, bring them back to balance.
Here are five skills every child can learn with the help of their parents or maybe even therapy:
1. Naming Feelings & Linking Them
For adults, this step can feel so elementary, but that’s the point! Just like we learn our numbers and our letters, kids need to learn their feelings. Putting words to emotions helps kids feel more in control. For example if your child is screaming because they did not get what they wanted for dinner, you might help them express that they are feeling “angry” or “frustrated,” and that you’re noticing that through their actions. This is where linking the feelings to the body and situations come in.
2. Using Calming Strategies
Once your child develops a language for how they are feeling, implementing regulation strategies can be really helpful. Things like breathing exercises, taking a walk in fresh air, playing with slime or something tactile are small ways that kids can actually reset their nervous systems. I often teach kids (and their parents) many tools in therapy that feel fun, easy, and intuitive, so that during times of overwhelm or big feelings, things don’t feel so unmanageable.
3. Flexible Thinking
Children with big feelings, especially those prone to anxiety typically struggle with flexible thinking. Their brains automatically go to extremes. For example, “everything is good” or “everything is bad.” The in-between or the grey area is often non-excitant, which makes being flexible pretty challenging. Helping your child understand more about perspective will help them develop flexible thinking. One way I love to approach this skill in therapy is by looking at pictures and seeing what we both notice. (Spoiler alert: We’re going to notice different things first because everyone’s perspective is different).
4. Problem-Solving in Steps
When something feels too big, breaking it down makes it more manageable. When I work with kids with anxiety, we often will create fear hierarchies together to tackle big, scary things one tiny step at a time. Celebrating along the way and collecting little wins, helps your child to develop lasting confidence and fosters their belief that they can do hard things. This approach also lowers overwhelm.
5. Practicing Self-Compassion
Compassion is one of the main tenets in my practice and in my life because we all can use a little more grace. Most people, kids included, are taught to treat others with compassion, but not taught to treat themselves with compassion. Teaching your child that mistakes are going to happen builds resilience and kindness.
A Note for Parents
The truth is, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to raising emotionally intelligent and regulated children. Emotional regulation takes practice (for adults too). Kids don’t need to get it “perfect.” What matters is that they learn there are tools they can lean on when life feels hard.
If your child I struggling with big feelings like anxiety, I am hear to help. Contact me here to set-up an initial appointment!
